Thoughts From an iPhone Screen Episode 1: Mom

I am trying a new format for short form blogging that focuses on word economy and capturing the mood of moment. It may read more like poetry than journalism, but that’s part of the beauty of such language… Anyways, on with it.
Mom- I didn’t plan to see you tonight,

Playing games with friends before vacation,

Nose is still stuffy from remnants of a cold,

Coughing because I gotta get home to take the NyQuil. Got lozenges though,

Things still suck,

Breakup blues, therapy droughts due to us going on vacation, wondering why I didn’t see it coming…

I talk to lots of people though,

Turns out I’ve come real,

But even though I know,

It’s still hard to see,
Sometimes I wonder,

Do I even know what I want?

I’ve been wrong about myself before,

And sometimes other people know more,

But that’s scary, no doubt,

Maybe that’s why no says it,

Sometimes you have no better explanation than “things are just shitty sometimes”

Old and big problems alike,

Don’t get fixed overnight,

Wishful thinking is fruitless,

Hinders real solutions, rea possibilities,

But coming to see you tonight, mom,

Made things just a little bit better,

It’s all I ever could have asked,

I’m so grateful,
I don’t talk about death a lot,

Who wants to talk about it,

But all sorts of ideas surround it,

By people far smarter than I.
But what was an end to your life was a beginning of mine,

Everything, and everyone, all changed,

For better or for worse,

I find to reductive to suggest death has one true feeling, one true emotion,

It can mean so many different things,

To so many different people,

All of it mixing together,

To create fucks knows what,
I’m not angry at you,

I do not blame you,

That changes nothing,

But I will say this,

I am in many ways grateful,

I knew someone so kind,

Someone who cared,

One with a unique touch,

But I am honest oh my approach,

I miss you so much,

I  am glad I saw you today,

A Moment of Darkness, or Perhaps Longer…

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I had hoped to return this summer with a triumphant amount of discussion about the relationship I cultivated this spring, maybe some interesting anecdotes and things that I learned. Alas, that can’t happen. While my ex and I had been broken up for a while now, we still talked until a couple of days ago.

This has been a very difficult period of time for me, and it has interacted with my depression in a largely predictable fashion. I have hinted at my depression in some posts, but I have never given it a real examination.

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Seeing A Bit of the Spectrum

 

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Photo by tangle_eye @ Morguefile.com

 

The original post I was going to produce today is no more, as the motivation for producing was resolved. In its place is going to be something a bit more manageable, a bit more approachable, and perhaps more beneficial to my audience.

Back when I began writing on Eyes Through the Glass, it was at the behest of my ex-girlfriend that I was dating at the time. She spoke to my ability to articulate what it was like to live with Asperger’s Syndrome.

The reason that I migrated from Eyes Through the Glass and shut it down was because, as it turns out, there was only so much I could directly say about Asperger’s. Eventually, the blog lost its focus and because it had devolved so far beyond its original purpose it had to be shut down. Admittedly, I was in a darker place at that time.

But, what has become clear to me is that the work that I originally began on Eyes Through the Glass still needs to be done. At the request of one of my friends who wanted to know more, I decided to offer a little bit of what it’s like.

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For College Students, Living With Depression is an Invisible War

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There’s a war going on. The battlefield is not a country far and away from the public eye. It is in our own backyard, in an area where the entire population consists of civilians. It is an invisible war, a quiet crisis that speaks only when spoken to. That battlefield is the college campus. The battle is not between political adversaries but internal struggles with depression.

According to the National Institutes of Health, 6.7 percent of Americans are annually affected, making it the most ubiquitous mood disorder. Additionally, in 2009 the American College Association-National College Health Assessment (ACHA-NCHA) found that nearly 30 percent of college students reported feeling “so depressed that it was difficult to function” during the past year. College is a heavy hitter, as now students must deal with increased responsibilities while learning to function more independently. Maggie Alexander, a student Howard Community College, said, “[Depression] has made it harder to focus on my schoolwork and it has also gotten to the point where I have trust issues with most people if I don’t know them too well.”

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